Amouage - Memoir

Apparently these two new fragrances from Amouage were concieved in a somewhat different way than usual: first Memoir Man was created, and then Memoir Women was built from the masculine version. They are both quite unisex, just as the two Jubliations are unisex (and in fact I find Jubilation Woman to be drier and more masculine than the opulent Jubilation Man). This method of construction explains why the two Memoirs are so strikingly similar.

Both Memoirs seem like a continuation of the two Jubilations, which were somewhat of a break from previous Amouage scents. This is a good thing. Memoir Man is deep, rich, and chocolaty; although Amouage claims it is based on the idea of leather, it is a leather in the Amouage school, which is to say that this signature note is framed by the opulent and familiar Amouage base. [EDIT: Coming back to this years later, I have to say that I don't really care much for Memoir Man, perhaps because of the mint note. I do not like mint. Fuck you, mint vitamins I ate as a child. I still love the hell out of Memoir Woman though.]

Memoir Woman is even more impressive: it is Memoir Man, plus more. (Indeed, the drydowns of the two are very similar, to the point where one might confuse the two). To the rich, dry base of Memoir Man has been added a smooth collection of floral notes, but these notes don't create a feminine fragrance; instead, they sweeten the slightly overly-dry impression of the masculine version. It's described as a chypre, and certainly its drydown has the same oakmossy goodness one finds in Jubilation Woman; but it is also quite unisex, and is definitely the superior of the two. It is massively complex: spicy, sweet, boozy, incense-y, woody, sometimes dry. It is so well-blended that I can't discern individual notes until that familiar Amouage drydown. It may, in fact, be my favorite fragrance from Amouage, which is saying something.

I'll also add that the ad copy for Memoir is hilariously, pretentiously overwrought (see here), and on the Amouage website you can find an especially gut-busting promotional video filled with angsty models, swooning close-ups, and feathers (??): " In this emporium of vice and damnation, the anguish, the unwanted, the dark, the haunting and the unmentionable are all beauty of the truth . . . She is him and he is her. They come together as one representing each other’s past, present and future in which they mimic each other’s sorrow and pain." (What the fuck?). Thankfully, I have not become "her" when I've worn Memoir Woman; arbitrary gender reassignment shouldn't be the goal of a fragrance. I do think, though, that I'm going to start telling people that the haunting and the unmentionable are all beauty of the truth. IT IS SO TRUE.

Iä! Iä! Killian Fthagn!

Here's a fun game. Can you guess which of the following quotations come from actual By Killian press releases?

"I conceived L’Oeuvre Noire with a quasi-Faustian ambience in mind. I wanted to cast a spell, like those that darkened Rimbaud's spirit or conjured the witches in Macbeth. But it also recalls contemporary R&B lyrics like those of 50 Cent, Snoop Dogg or Pharell Williams, all about temptation in the face of urban violence, like Baudelaire before them, as expressed in his prose poetry."

"The black tassel imparts mystery to the fragrance, mystery warding off all sorts of black magic . . . . It's as if the protective shield engraved on the side places the wearer under the protection of a fallen angel. This object is a talisman."

"I am the absolute worst. Please put me down before I write more of this shit."

"The perfume asks the flower:
'who can tell me why I exist?'
Do non loose your heart, dear friend,
in a perfect dawn
you will blend your life
with all the life and at the end
you will know, why you exist."

Hahahahaha! Are they fucking kidding? These are all real quotes, except for the one which obviously isn't a real quote, although it should be. Actually, the last quote isn't from By Killian; it can be found on the equally pretentious Profumum website (note the oddly repetitive name of the linked url -- if it's luxury, you gotta say it twice!). Oh wait, my mistake -- that's "Profvmvm;" I shovld have known to vse the correct vowel that signifies skull-crvshing pretentiousness.

Anyhow, this certainly is some overwrought, hilarious garbage. Truly I do feel as though I'm under the protection of a fallen angel (huh??). Please excuse me for a moment while I use a belt sander to remove my face so that I never again have to experience such sweet, sweet, Faustian/Snoop-Doggian brilliance.

So what does this stuff smell like? Let's check out Back to Black. The press notes say: "A tobacco aroma with sweet undertones of honey. A pure aphrodisiac." I must respectfully disagree. This stuff smells like Baudelaire shitting his pants. It is horrifically sickly-sweet, the cloyingly organic smell of outhouses in the hot sun. A dollop of honey can be great -- see, eg, Chanel's fantastic Beige -- but in this nauseating quantity it evokes sickness and the smell of a mortally ill person rotting from the inside out. This is what you smell when you die.

Luckily for you, a 50ml bottle of this will only set you back $225! That's more than a bottle of Carnal Flower or Vetiver Extraordinaire! This stuff costs twice as much as the Hermessences! Since Back to Black seems to be selling, I've begun bottling my vomit; it can be yours for only $310 per 10ml. What a steal!

On the other hand, Prelude to Love is rather good; it's a cologne with a pleasingly dark note, the top-note sparkle of lemon balanced by solemn iris, a combination I haven't seen before. It's actually quite weighty, more like Prelude to Serious Pondering than to Love, which sets it apart from the effervescent sparkle of most other colognes. Should you pay $225 for 50ml of it? God, no. But if you find a bottle for less, you could definitely do worse. After all, 50 Cent and the witches in Macbeth have already written odes to the temptation in the face of urban violence evoked by this fragrance.